A Birthday Gift

A gift I gave myself, and a birthday request from you

I’m about to tell you a truth I’m committed to living from now on, followed by a request.

Buckle up.

I turned 45 last week among the red rocks of Arizona. It was a magic week in Sedona where I hiked, meditated, awed at the vistas and cliffs, millions of years old, shaped by time and the elements.

It was transformative. I decided to give myself a gift when I was there. It came to me as I was walking among these hills of ancient wisdom, with the background of birds in the trees. It felt sacred to be there, so I surrendered to my inner knowing and asked myself what I needed.

As I sat on Bell Rock, drinking in the sunshine, listening to the early morning birds and feeling the gentlest of hums vibrate through my core. I knew what I needed.

Honesty. Authenticity.

The vibe is real high when I am in my authentic bones.

I’m going to be honest about my story and continue to tell it with my whole chest and my authentic voice.

I’ve been a part of institutions and agreements my entire life where big decisions were made by someone else. Someone else’s version of what would make me happy was the default.

Someone else’s script for success, wholeness, happiness.

The bummer part about that, is that the script also came with the narrative that I was always less than. Less than the men of the church that held the priesthood. Less than my partner who was the provider. The condescension was gentle. Always with the caveat, “but I couldn’t do it without you,” was said in the same breath as “you are not my equal.”

That messes with your head. It messes with your heart and soul. It caused to me put my own ambitions, dreams, goals somewhere else so I could live and make choices in support of these institutions I was a part of. I was so important to them, but also, not really.

So I am now, officially, pulling out those personal goals, dreams and ambitions that did not fit the institutions I subscribed to for so many years.

I am a storyteller. I am an artist. I am a writer.

I have enrolled in a Master’s of Fine Arts course where I will be getting a Masters Degree in Creative Writing. My thesis will be a book, and goddess willing, it will be published and read!

This is my path. Being a writer, an artist, a storyteller is who I actually am. I know it may seem like a silly little declaration and many may be scratching their heads thinking, “Uh, just go ahead and write already. Why the triumphant fanfare?”

Because I have been embedded in a system where my value as an individual was directly attached to propping up others. I’m not signing up for that system anymore. I’m here to share my gifts with the world and do things for myself.

I’ve known I’ve wanted to tell stories since I was in 2nd grade and we “published” our book of creative writing we had been doing all year. I remember delicately thumbing through those pages (they were LAMINATED!) and being so proud of my words and the thrill that someone else could read them.

So 45 year old Kara is finally fulfilling what 7 year old Kara has been asking to do for decades.

Here is where my birthday request comes in.

Writers need readers. At the very least, they just need people to know they’re writers. So if you feel so inclined to support my 40 year quest to become a writer, you can subscribe to this channel and keep your eyes on my upcoming work. You don’t even need to sign up for the paid subscription, although paid content with UBER personal stories will be coming later this year.

If you have already subscribed, thank you! You can share this with people you know that would dig my journey of telling my own story, telling a fictional story, and any other story that comes up in between. Tell them you like my work and you think they would like it too.

The sacred rocks of Arizona reminded me I’m enough. Like them, enough time has passed, and I’ve weathered enough elements to stand in my truth and own who I am.

I like it here. Thank you for coming along.

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If you like what I write about, or even if you don’t, but think it’s cool to go after life long dreams from the 2nd grade, feel free to “buy me a coffee” here!